What is My Connection to Tori Amos??

(Picture credits go to http://everythingtori.com/go/galleries/)

I promise you there is a connection between Tori Amos and me but you’ll have to be a little patient to find out what it is. :) So please keep reading…

I’ve decided you’ve probably heard enough “emergency room” talk in my last post (I know I have!) and you may be ready for a more uplifting/fun post! Hopefully this will fit the bill. Here goes!

Let me start by saying one reason writing this post is FUN for me is that Tori Amos’ music has gotten me through some very difficult and challenging times in my life… including lifting my spirits when my endometriosis was displaying particularly fierce symptoms.

Believe it or not, a big factor in how I stayed away from the emergency room trip this weekend was by playing Tori Amos CDs (!) while I was doing deep breathing exercises, meditating, lying very still, etc. I was able to lower my blood pressure, in part, because I find Tori’s music so therapeutic!

So I’m writing about my all-time favorite musical artist: Tori Amos. I once read she had been voted by Rolling Stone magazine as the # 5 Live Performer of All Time!! Yet -- you very, very rarely hear her on the radio. In fact, many of you have never heard of her. (She doesn’t worry about chart sales; her passion is the music, the sound, the lyrics… She does not let others dictate to her. She follows her own path). She is a very successful singer-songwriter, producer, recording artist, pianist, live performer… with a rabid “cult following”. She is NOT a “cookie cutter” recording artist. She is unique.

She has sold 12+ million records worldwide as of 2005, as per Wikipedia which was quoting the following press release for the autobiography Tori Amos co-wrote with Ann Powers: http://everythingtori.com/go/book/.

OK, I’ve kept you in suspense long enough. I have to tie Tori together with this blog so that you won’t wonder why I’m writing about Tori Amos on my endo blog, right?

I read Tori’s autobiography several years ago (see below):

“Tori Amos Piece by Piece. A Portrait of the Artist: Her thoughts. Her Conversations”, I was stunned to discover from her book that Tori Amos has endometriosis!

Now you may be wondering why that’s a big deal, right? It’s not like endometriosis is exactly uncommon. Well, it's just that I have seen or heard SO many print, Internet, and TV interviews of Tori (basically anything I heard about that was Tori-related… I tuned in for!) and I had never known that she has endometriosis until I read this book. So I was just amazed at this piece of information. Tori mentioned endometriosis just in passing in the book. (In it, she did discuss her difficult experiences with multiple miscarriages). I believe she had three of them. (She was diagnosed with a protein deficiency that her miscarriages were attributed to).

She also co-founded RAINN ranked in America’s 100 Best Charities by Worth Magazine in 1994, as per this Wikipedia entry: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/RAINN. Also here is Tori’s RAINN Public Service Announcement:



Yes, I really met Tori Amos! Look (below) at the pictures that were taken with my camera.

My friend took this shot of me with Tori Amos minutes before the concert:

Yes. I was this close to Tori Amos! :) I took this shot:

I’ve seen Tori live 4 times. The last time I saw her, my friend and I had special tickets. Ironically, my friend who went to that "special ticket" concert with me (the night we actually MET Tori) ALSO has endometriosis.

We had 3rd row seats (!!!) and we got to meet Tori before the concert, get a photo taken with her, get an autograph, listen to part of the sound check before the show, etc. It was one of those nights you never forget. :)

I find Tori completely musically brilliant, fascinating, complex, brilliantly intelligent, courageous, strong, outspoken, not afraid of what people think, controversial, a person who follows her instincts, and finally just a sensitive, caring, sincere person who tries to do her part to make the world a better place. As I said, I have had the honor and pleasure of meeting her in person at a concert because my friend and I had special tickets that were equivalent to “backstage passes”.

For info on Tori, see the Wikipedia entry for her: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tori_Amos.

My passion for Tori Amos’ music all started when I got my hands on “Little Earthquakes” in 1992. That CD was all it took for me to be hooked for life.

Per her Wikipedia entry (see link above), here are some of the awards she has been nominated for:

Grammy Awards

1995 — Best Alternative Music Album (for Under The Pink, nomination).
1997 — Best Alternative Music Album (for Boys For Pele, nomination).
1999 — Best Alternative Music Album (for From the Choirgirl Hotel, nomination).
1999 — Female Rock Vocal Performance (for "Raspberry Swirl", nomination).
2000 — Best Alternative Music Album (for To Venus and Back, nomination).
2000 — Female Rock Vocal Performance (for "Bliss", nomination).
2002 — Best Alternative Music Album (for Strange Little Girls, nomination).
2002 — Female Rock Vocal Performance (for "Strange Little Girl", nomination).
2004 — Best Boxed or Special Limited Edition Packaging (for Scarlet's Walk, nomination).

So one of my connections to Tori Amos (the one that motivated me to write this article) is that we both have endometriosis. However, I also feel connected to Tori because I love her music so much! It has lifted me up, kept me sane, and given me hope. I feel connected to her because she gives me strength and hope! Her music calms me down when little else can. I feel connected to her in many ways. I believe she has a very special gift.

This article was posted by Jeanne via "Jeanne's Endo Blog" at www.endendoat.blogspot.com.

A Tori Amos Music Break For Healing, Quote Of The Day From 'The Foundation For A Better Life', And Also A Bit Of RAINN...

Dear readers,

It has been about a month since my last Tori Amos post. More importantly, I need a mental health break and regular readers here know that means I need to hear Tori Amos' music!

All of the turmoil lately (see previous post) regarding victimizing endometriosis patients has me very upset!

Tori Amos herself has endometriosis.

When I get upset, I reach for Tori Amos' music! It heals me.

In honor of the winter season we are in, I went searching for a video clip of Tori Amos singing the song "Winter".

Boy, did I find a great one!! This song is 17 years old. You can find it on the Little Earthquakes CD. It's a soothing song and a real treasure for calming down!



-- Tori Amos (musician, singer, songwriter, pianist)

Click here to see the lyrics for this beautiful song, courtesy of Sing365.com

On a much more serious note, Tori is a strong advocate for women. Her work with RAINN: The nation's largest anti-sexual assault organization (One of “America’s 100 Best Charities" — Worth magazine) helps many women!

Here are some statistics about sexual assault...

Statistics from RAINN

By the way, Tori Amos was sexually assaulted and helps women with her support of the RAINN organization.

Related links to my numerous Tori Amos "mental health break" posts are below.

Just click the link to reach post with other links:

Friday, December 5, 2008 Adversity, Challenges, Frustration And The "Secret To Life" According To Tori Amos...

I thought that following a mental health break of Tori's music & lyrics about winter and a much more serious link to the RAINN organization that I would wrap up today's post with a quote.

Here is the Foundation for a Better Life's Quote of the Day

“The road of life twists and turns and no two directions are ever the same. Yet our lessons come from the journey, not the destination.”

—Don Williams, Jr. (b. 1968); novelist and poet

Through the twists and turns of your life, try to find time to relax.

At the same time, be aware that there are helpful organizations like RAINN in times of crisis.

If you have been sexually assaulted or abused, seek help!!!

Let's appreciate Tori's gorgeous music AND appreciate her advocacy on behalf of sexually assaulted women.

Related link regarding protecting your personal health information:

WARNING

Ladies, let's protect ourselves from harm. Protect your personal information!!

This article was posted by Jeanne via "Jeanne's Endo Blog" at www.endendoat.blogspot.com.

Adversity, Challenges, Frustration And The "Secret To Life" According To Tori Amos...

After yesterday's pretty somber (but important) article about toxins, I decided today is one of those days to lighten things up a bit! Many of us have heard phrases to the effect of, "you can't always control what happens to you but you can control how you choose to react to it".



(Picture credits go to http://everythingtori.com/go/galleries/)

I've written before about one of my favorite musicians, Tori Amos, who happens to have endometriosis. I decided to quote her here today because the way I interpret her lyrics (see below) is essentially that everything can be falling apart around you, you can be anxious and upset about it all, but in the end... you CAN get through it with your inner strength.

You CAN get through amazingly hard times and adversity simply by relying on yourself. That, to me, is a very simply worded yet very powerful statement.

"Well I found the secret to life... I found the secret to life... I'm okay when everything is not okay... I said I found the secret to life... Found the secret to life... I'm okay when everything is not okay... Is not okay..."

-- Tori Amos (musician, singer, songwriter, pianist)

No matter what adversity you experience, if you look for the silver lining, the positive, and the purpose in everything... you can get through more than you probably think you can.

As simple as Tori's words are, they are loaded for me because the notion that one can "be OK when everything is not OK", to me, means that one can learn, grow, thrive, be productive, and move on even when difficult circumstances make things seem overwhelming.

(Picture credits go to http://everythingtori.com/go/galleries/)

No matter how challenging or overwhelming things get, I think it's important to be grateful for what we do have and to simply appreciate the resources available to us, the information we have access to, and the loved ones who support us. In the end, though, we can always rely on ourselves and our inner strength to get through the rough patches and come out the other end OK.

Besides, this post gives me an excuse to post a picture of when I met Tori Amos backstage... Yes, that's me with Tori! In my hands are my autographed picture of Tori and my friend's camera before we switched places so that I could get a picture of her with Tori. :)

(Picture credits for this shot go to my friend who attended the concert with me!)

Tori Amos is an amazing, strong woman. Her strength gives me strength when facing the challenges of my illnesses.

For a sample of Tori's music, listen to "Almost Rosey" (on the playlist.com music player in this blog's sidebar).

As I've previously written things that reference Tori Amos, here are some related links:

Sunday, June 15, 2008 What is My Connection to Tori Amos??

Wednesday, September 3, 2008 Endometriosis Blog: "Almost Rosey" -- The Healing & Supportive Power Of Music And Other Relaxation Techniques (Video Clip Included)

Wednesday, September 17, 2008 Endo Blog: How Much Can Quotes & Artwork Heal, Comfort, And Enlighten Us??

This article was posted by Jeanne via "Jeanne's Endo Blog" at www.endendoat.blogspot.com.

Endometriosis Blog: "Almost Rosey" -- The Healing & Supportive Power Of Music And Other Relaxation Techniques (Video Clip Included)

I thought it was time to lighten things up a bit. Sometimes taking a break from information-gathering, doctor appointments, and stress can help us cope better with endometriosis & other chronic illnesses.

I'd like to start by sharing a gorgeous photo I found awhile back:

Photo used with permission from Mimbrava - www.Flickr.com

This red rose photo ties together nicely with a post I've been wanting to write for awhile now. As many of you are already aware from what I have written previously I am a huge fan of Tori Amos, the musician.

It just so happens Tori has endometriosis. So I'm using that as my excuse to write a post featuring some lyrics from her song: 'Almost Rosey' (from the American Doll Posse CD).

Before I get into any lyrics or my interpretation of them and what they do to inspire me and to give me strength during the especially tough times, I just want to lay the foundation for WHY I'm writing about this here on the blog... (other than my love of Tori Amos' music).

Over 7 years of facilitating a local endometriosis support group, I have noticed that MANY of our support group members share a common thread. For some it has to do with upbringing. For some it's a personal philosophy. For others, it's the only way they know how to cope with this challenging illness.

The common thread I've noticed for most endometriosis patients is that they often:

Put others first before themselves

Forget to practice self-care on a frequent enough basis to maintain their health (or progress to a greater state of wellness)

Often they "run themselves totally ragged"

Let me be clear that I don't sit in judgment of anyone (!!) and I know how very difficult it is to balance home/personal life, work life (for those still well enough to pursue a career outside the home or those who manage to work from home), social life/obligations, chronic illness(es) and the many other commitments that take up our precious time nowadays. There never seem to be enough hours in the day!

An endometriosis patient may be:

employed in the traditional workforce

disabled

unemployed

a stay-at-home-mom (SAHM)

a work-at-home-mom (WAHM)... [I know -- all moms work at home. By WAHM, I'm referring to women who work in the home via telecommuting, running their own businesses, etc...]

I have observed that ALL women nowadays (that I know) are feeling the pressure of many demands on their time and this typically just becomes much *more* challenging for the chronically ill.

OK... back to some of the music that gets me through some of my roughest days! I should point out that the music that works for me may not be most effective for you for coping with illness, stress and/or anxiety. The important thing is that most of us have SOME sort of music we find relaxing, inspirational, supportive, or even cheerful. Sometimes the lyrics really strike us and provide extra comfort. Sometimes it's the melody, the beat, or maybe an outstanding vocalist. Many times it's all of the above.

OK. It's time for me to list the lyrics for "Almost Rosey" and explain what they mean to me personally. They may certainly mean different things to different people but I'll talk about how the lyrics strike me. Obviously this is just one interpretation.

*Let me give just a bit more background on why I'm including lyrics for this particular song.*

Many women I know (from my local endometriosis support group, healthy friends & relatives, former co-workers, blogger friends, etc.), myself included, have times when they really push their limits physically, mentally, or both! Self-care is key. A support network of some kind is key.

You may have heard phrases like "grin and bear it" or "put on your happy face" or "be strong/don't let 'them' know they've gotten to you".

While there are certainly times in life when we all need to do things we don't want to do, to even do things we're concerned may cause injury or exacerbation of existing illnesses, and to do things that are simply necessary for basic functioning... there are definitely other times when it's in our best interest (and/or that of our loved ones... whether they know it or not!) NOT to push too hard and NOT to overwork! Knowing when to back off and when to push ahead is a tricky balancing act. Taking pains NOT to overdo can prevent suffering & sometimes even permanent pain afterwards, etc.)

Many women have a REALLY tough time slowing down, pacing themselves, and saving precious energy for the things that REALLY matter!

OK. Here's where this song is one of my favorites to play when I need a pick-me-up.

Here is a video clip of an amazing live rendition of this beautiful song:




Below are the lyrics to "Almost Rosey". I have bolded portions I find particularly helpful to me for insights into how people (women and men) sometimes "put on a happy mask", isolate themselves from support when they need it most, etc. My comments are in italics.

I should note that simply reading the lyrics off the page may sound anything but "rosey" or cheerful. However, knowing Tori's body of work for over 15 years, reading between the lines of the lyrics, knowing she is about as far from a "phony" or "fake" person as can be, and hearing the beautiful melody and soothing sound of the music on this song softens it immensely. Tori is a complex person and her lyrics can be deceiving. For example, her talk of putting rose colored glasses on to cope with things is NOT, in my opinion, implying that one should stick his/her head in the sand!! Quite the opposite... Tori bravely faces things head on! My comments on the lyrics will be in italics next to the lyrics I've bolded in the song...

+++

» 'Almost Rosey' Lyrics

[This Section features Lyrics of the Song 'Almost Rosey' from the Album American Doll Posse]:

Just a minute of your time
Yes I've been known to delude myself
So let me put those rose colored glasses to the test
(I believe this is her way of saying let's cope with these problems rather than avoiding them).

Now is this real enough for you
'cause blondes here don't jump out of cakes
If that never impressed you much
Come board this lunatic express

Just why do they say
Have a nice day anyway
We both know they wouldn't mind
If I just curled up and died
Let's not give that one a try
(I think this section is Tori's way of observing how fake people can be when they exchange pleasantries they don't mean, when they act insincerely, and when they generally disregard -too often - others' well-being).

Chin up put on a pair of these roseys
Raise those blinds
Chin up a happy mask was never
Your best disguise
Chin up put on a pair of these roseys
In no time you will feel almost fine
(I believe Tori is offering coping skills to either herself or someone else. She seems to be trying to fight the urge to isolate and "close the blinds". She recognizes that stuffing emotions and putting on a "happy mask' is not healthy. She wants things to start looking up and believes things WILL get better).

Almost rosey

Now some girls here will huddle with
No not footballers that are rich
But will confide in small white sticks
He bats as The Virginian Slim

Then I tried once to comply
With an authority that would
Subsidize my wild side
But at this altar was sacrificed

Yes you can laugh a femme fatale
In a bride's dress now married to
The effortlessness of the cracks
That lie now in between the facts
(Here again I believe Tori is speaking out against dishonesty in any form... including being phony/fake or insincere).

Now about when violet died
The cause still unidentified
She thought her love would be enough
But you can't seduce seduction

Her tentacles of endless want
Reach through my corridors
And tempt me to taste of her power
I sober with the witching hour

And when I hear of one more bomb
Yes we have all been robbed of song
And nightingales who throw their arms up
When is enough enough?
(To me this passage is pro-peace, for saving the Earth from irreparable harm caused by war and environmental issues. Obviously birds don't have arms but I think the point is clear that she's concerned about the condition the Earth is in and wants very much to improve it).

---
[ Almost Rosey Lyrics @ http://www.toriamoslyrics.org/ ]

Tori Amos
Almost Rosey lyrics are copyright by it's rightful owner. This Tori Amos Lyrics
site (http://www.toriamoslyrics.org/almost-rosey-lyrics-tori-amos.php)
in no way takes copyright or claims the lyrics belong to us.

© 2008 Tori Amos Lyrics.org, All rights
reserved.
---

See my post: Sunday, June 15, 2008 - What is My Connection to Tori Amos??

This article was posted by Jeanne via "Jeanne's Endo Blog" at www.endendoat.blogspot.com.

'Jeanne's Endo Blog': Endochick Inspired Me To Post Beethoven For Healing. Try it!

Meet my fellow endometriosis blogger,
Endochick:

Endochick recently commented on one of my blog posts and I decided her comments would make a good post. After all, one can never get too much healing. I wrote January 7, 2009 with one of my many posts about Tori Amos, my favorite musician, and why Tori's music is healing for me.

Wednesday, January 7, 2009 A Tori Amos Music Break For Healing, Quote Of The Day From 'The Foundation For A Better Life', And Also A Bit Of RAINN...

Endochick uses music as a tool for healing just as I do. Endochick commented back (to my Tori post above) with a couple of her favorites for healing. Both were Beethoven pieces.

I decided to honor Endochick by posting 'Karajan - Beethoven Symphony No. 5 - Parts 1 and 2' here. After all, you never can get too much healing!

What's that? You don't have time to enjoy these classic clips? Sure you do. Click play and work on laundry. Go ahead. You don't even have to look at the screen. You can go fold and fluff while appreciating this soothing music. Try it.

There are two clips below. I looked at various clips on YouTube and decided to go with a pair from 1966. Yes, thet are in black and white. After looking through several options, I decided these clips sounded the closest to the music I heard that fantastic summer night a couple of years back. (You'll have to see my comment back to Endochick in the same post just listed for more details about that night at the symphony to know what I'm talking about)...



Karajan Conducting Beethoven's 5th Symphony. Part 1 (Movements 1 and 2). Very old and rare film, no longer in print, recorded in 1966. (Posted on YouTube by "magic5227"). See MusOpen!

INTERMISSION:

Okay. You may take a break to go switch loads now. Don't worry. The second clip will be here when you get back.

"Karajan Conducting Beethoven's 5th Symphony. Part 2 (Movements 3 and 4). Very old and rare film, no longer in print, recorded in 1966". (Posted on YouTube by "magic5227". See MusOpen!

Music is healing. Whatever type of music it is that makes YOU feel better, turn it on! You'll be glad you did!

Related link (see Endochick's remarks on Beethoven in the comments section of this post):

Wednesday, January 7, 2009 A Tori Amos Music Break For Healing, Quote Of The Day From 'The Foundation For A Better Life', And Also A Bit Of RAINN...

This article was posted by Jeanne via "Jeanne's Endo Blog" at www.endendoat.blogspot.com.

Endo Blog: How Much Can Quotes & Artwork Heal, Comfort, And Enlighten Us??

Sometimes when we're chronically ill, we tend to focus on our physical and emotional pain. While this is certainly an understandable part of being chronically ill, sometimes it's nice to distract ourselves from the pain by focusing our energy on uplifting materials!! Today I thought I'd write a post that IS NOT focused on endometriosis, interstitial cystitis, fibromyalgia, or any other chronic illness. Instead, I thought I'd post some quotes and artwork to shift the focus off of our illnesses for a bit!

If you're anything like me, you love quotes! I find them insightful, uplifting and thought-provoking. Of course, not all quotes are uplifting in nature. Some clarify bitter truths, cause the reader to examine history, and act to educate us in how we can all be better people by helping others.

I've decided to list quotes from a wide variety of sources... in random order. Hopefully something in this list will inspire you, comfort you or support you. Also, I've included some mandala art. Hopefully you'll find this uplifting!

All mandala art contained in this post is courtesy of Jennifer at http://www.mandalaspiritart.com/

"Beauty" Mandala

Here are some quotes that resonate with me in some way:

++++++++++++++

“Each one has to find his peace from within. And peace to be real must be unaffected by outside circumstances.”
-- Mahatma Gandhi (Indian Philosopher, internationally esteemed for his doctrine of nonviolent protest, 1869-1948)

“Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new.”
-- Albert Einstein (1875-1955), theoretical physicist, philosopher

“Life's most urgent question is: What are you doing for others?”
-- Martin Luther King Jr. (1929-1968), American civil rights leader

“Thousands of candles can be lighted from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared.”
-- Buddha

"Insight" Mandala

“Love is all we have, the only way that each can help the other.”
-- Euripides (484 BC - 406 BC), Greek tragedian

“When you cease to make a contribution, you begin to die.”
-- Eleanor Roosevelt (1884-1962), U.S. First Lady, diplomat, human rights activist

“Neither fire nor wind, birth nor death can erase our good deeds.”
-- Buddha

“If it fails, admit it frankly and try another. But above all, try something.”
-- Franklin D. Roosevelt

“I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”
-- Maya Angelou (b. 1928), poet

"Joy" Mandala

“True heroism is remarkably sober, very undramatic. It is not the courage to surpass others at whatever cost, but the courage to serve others at whatever the cost.”
-- Arthur Ashe (1943-1993), professional tennis player, civil rights supporter

“There was never a good war or a bad peace.”
-- Benjamin Franklin

“If mankind recognizes that war is impossible...that all national rivalries are foolish...if they get together any kind of an extension of detente... then we may pull out of it all the better for it.”
-- Tori Amos (musician, singer, songwriter, pianist)

"Happy Days" Mandala

“The greatest virtues are those which are most useful to other persons.”
-- Aristotle (384-322 B.C.), philosopher

“I simply can't build my hopes on a foundation of confusion, misery and death ... I think peace and tranquillity will return again.”
-- Anne Frank (German Jewish girl and author of a diary of her family's two years in hiding during World War II, 1929-1945)

“If the white man wants to live in peace with the Indian he can live in peace. There need be no trouble. Treat all men alike. Give them all the same law. Give them all an even chance to live and grow. All men were made by the same Great Spirit Chief. They are all brothers. The earth is the mother of all people, and all people should have equal rights upon it.”
-- Chief Joseph (Native American Quote)

"Native American" Mandala

“You know that saying, bad things don’t happen to good people? That’s a lie.”
-- Tori Amos (musician, singer, songwriter, pianist)

"Trouble no one about their religion; respect others in their view, and demand that they respect yours. Love your life, perfect your life, and beautify all things in your life. Seek to make your life long and its purpose in the service of your people. Prepare a noble death song for the day when you go over the great divide. Always give a word or a sign of salute when meeting or passing a friend, even a stranger ... Show respect to all people and bow to no one ..."
-- Tecumseh, Shawnee (Native American Quote)

“Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, it's at the end of your arm. As you get older, remember you have another hand: The first is to help yourself, the second is to help others.”
-- Audrey Hepburn (1929-1993), actress, humanitarian

"Heal The Earth" Mandala

When a white army battles Indians and wins, it
is called a great victory, but if they lose it
is called a massacre.
-- Chiksika, Shawnee (Native American Quote)

“As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them.”
-- John Fitzgerald Kennedy (American 35th US President (1961-63), 1917-1963)

++++++++++++++

Peace to each one of you!!

This article was posted by Jeanne via "Jeanne's Endo Blog" at www.endendoat.blogspot.com.

"Jeanne's Endo Blog" Says: Smile! Happy Valentine's Day!

I was tagged by My Endo Journey to share 6 things that make me smile.

I don't normally do these (this is actually the only tagging I've ever done with my blog) but this smile graphic was too good to pass up... especially since it's Valentine's Day. :)



Six things that make me smile:

1. My amazing husband and daughter, who experience challenges in conjunction with my conditions daily and demonstrate flexibility, patience, and unconditional love!

2. My extended family and "in-person friends".

3. My blog... which is so therapeutic for me and which simultaneously helps other people. Helping fellow patients and local support group members makes me happy. Networking with fellow health bloggers is wonderful too. I have blogger friends coming out my ears now. :)

4. Acupuncture... which is totally amazing!!!!! (I have been writing a post with details about this forever. Stay tuned because I should be posting it soon).

5. When I find a coping mechanism that helps me manage pain (or when I use an existing coping technique).

6. Music and art. Funny DVDs. Robin Williams. Tori Amos.

I tag: Steph, Foxy, Mckay k, and Kerry. Enjoy!

RULES: Link to the person who has tagged you. (For me that's My Endo Journey).

Write down six things that make you happy. Post the rules, tag others and let them know you did it. Then tell the person when your entry is complete.

P.S. I was about to publish this when I saw that Endochick tagged me for this too. :)

This article was posted by Jeanne via "Jeanne's Endo Blog" at www.endendoat.blogspot.com.

Endometriosis Patient Survives Yet Another Annual Exam Without Perishing On The Table :) :)

This morning's post at 11:01 AM read as follows ---

Hope to post more later. On way to GYN...

This article was posted by Jeanne via "Jeanne's Endo Blog" at www.endendoat.blogspot.com.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

EVENING UPDATE:

This morning's post had this depressing title --- "Endo blog: VERY ILL!! Hope to post later today. Check GREAT new widgets in sidebar, please!! :) :)"

What a difference a few hours can make! I am still in incredible pain but I'm feeling much better emotionally than I was earlier today! (See my comment to Alicia on this post for some insights as to factors that turned a horrible day into a great one in many ways). Alicia could cheer ANYONE up!

This morning was one of those days with a very rough start. First, I woke up feeling like I had been hit by a truck. Then, I ran around trying to get ready for my gynecologist's appointment but was spinning my wheels because I was just too stressed out to get very far. So I stole a few minutes to go online and post the sadly titled: "Endo blog: VERY ILL!! Hope to post later today. Check GREAT new widgets in sidebar, please!! :) :)" I figured the widgets might have to keep you busy since I didn't know when I'd be able to post again. (Besides, they are really good widgets. Check them out)!

Within a short span of time after I posted this pathetic sounding post (except the positive part about the widgets), supportive comments flooded in from Mckay k and from yaya (Alicia). This positive enerygy was the boost I needed to simply get out of the house for my dreaded pelvic exam and pap smear!!

At this juncture I should explain that I have two doctors who treat my endometriosis symptoms: my gynecologist who I see annually and who does my regular pap smears... and my pelvic pain specialist who does pelvic exams too but does not do my pap smears.

Anyway, today was my visit with my gynecolgist. I just love this man! He is so compassionate and kind!!! He is passionate about helping women with a whole host of issues. He listens and cares!!! I was looking forward to seeing him as a person!!!

The part I was dreading this morning when I had such trouble functioning well enough to get out of the house & was in such physical pain... was the always-scary-to-me pap smear that always hurts like "h-e-double hockey sticks"... if you know what I mean! NO doctor has ever performed a pap smear on me without me experiencing indescribable, intense, excruciating pain.

Years ago when I lived in two other cities and I had pap smears by other doctors. No one has ever done it without me wincing, jumping off the table, accidentally holding my breath (which is not good because holding your breath just tenses up muscles & things), and simply not knowing how I'll get through it!

PLEASE NOTE:

If you aren't aware of it already... speculums come in different sizes. If you, like me, have very severe pain with pap smears, I highly (!) recommend asking your doctor if he or she has a smaller-sized speculum. It matters!

So, YES, all of this pain I had during today's pap smear was with a SMALL speculum. (Can you imagine how I would manage the regular sized one)? Anyway, I knew how much it would hurt. We're talking pain beyond that with non-pap smear pelvic exams... which also are excruciating and also cause me to reflexively jump off of the exam table.

The jumping, of course, only worsens the pain but I cannot help it. It is a reflex. If anyone out there reading this has had this happen (and I know some of you "get it" because I've talked w/women in my local group who are also like this), you are not alone! I looked like a Mexican jumping bean jumping up and down off of that exam table. My poor doctor... I wouldn't want to be my doctor! I've never had a pelvic exam that was not this painful. (I've certainly had worse, with docs in my former city).

I should stop here to mention that part of why my pelvic exams with either my GYN or my pelvic pain specialist are so VERY painful is that I have numerous illnesses that affect pelvic pain/vulvar pain/abdominal pain:

+++ vulvodynia or vulvar vestibulitis I'll have to do another completely seperate post someday on the difference between the two conditions --- but one pelvic pain specialist thinks I have vestibulitis and the other one (a 3rd opinion doc) thinks I have vulvodynia... In the meantime, consult the National Vulvodynia Association for info on these --- http://www.nva.org/. Also, please note that vulvodynia is being rsearched by an organization called CureTogether. See my July 15th post on their new medical research organization for more info on them. Also refer to their website: www.curetogether.com.

+++ interstitial cystitis

+++ pelvic congestion syndrome

+++ irritable bowel syndrome

+++ ... and, of course, endo!

Since any one of the above can cause painful gynecological exams, it's no wonder that I fly off the table when the doctor does any part of the exam.

Anyway, it ALWAYS is the case for me when I have to see either of these docs for an exam (but especially if it's a pap smear day)...

I of course have my period. There is no scheduling around this. First of all my periods aren't regular enough to schedule for them. Second, even if I'm nowhere near due for my period I almost always get it on or right before my pap smear appt. It never fails! There is no sense trying to reschedule when it happens a couple of days before a pap because the rescheduled appointment would fall into the same "Murphy's Law" category and I'd get my period on whatever day I rescheduled it for.

Anyway, I finally made it out of the house (quite an accomplishment with the fibromyalgia pain that greeted me first thing this morning)! Then I drove 45 minutes to where my doc is. Then the waiting game. At I sat in the waiting room, I distracted myself by filling out the HMO update/patient info form and scribbling additional notes for the doctor on my typed-up-at-home-in-advance medical history/update.

I learned long ago with a great doctor like this who is so thorough that his form for each annual exam is detailed (about 6 pages long!) that I need to write SEE ATTACHED on the whole doctor form and bring my updated version of events with me. (I need to actually do this for all doc appointments since my meds change frequently and I keep getting new diagnoses to pass along to all my other docs so they are all on the same page).

Sooooo, I turned my things in to the receptionist: the HMO/patient form, the doc form marked SEE ATTACHED, my newest HMO card, and the typed up stuff I brought with me.

Then I read things to get distracted until they called my name. The distraction is key for me when the anticipation of a painful exam creates overwhelming anxiety and fear in me.

They called my name and took me back. I did all the "nurse stuff". (Yay... my blood pressure medication is working as my BP was MUCH lower today than it has been)!

Then the doc comes in. Now this has to be one of the nicest people I have ever had the pleasure to meet. His bedside manner is impeccable. He REALLY cares about each and every patient. He knows me very well after many years on this journey together and tries extremely hard to be gentle with the exams. He listens! He is knowledgeable about alternative medicine. He is just awesome any way you slice it. All of this does not alleviate my fear of the imminent pelvic exam... especially the pap smear part!

I fill him in on some major changes in my health (for the worse) since I last saw him. Then it was exam time. I swear to you I tried with every fiber of my being not to jump off the table. However it is an unstoppable reflex. How else to explain that I'm telling my body "stay still and it will hurt less!!" but yet I jump?!

So the exam hurt like "h-e-double hockeysticks" as always with any gynecological appt. That was a given.

Then (!!) the huge relief that it was done hit me!!! I was so happy that my annual exam (pap smear and all) was done for another year.

Oh, sure, I may see my pelvic specialist 3 times a year on top of the GYN appt I had today (give or take)! Yes, that will hurt like "hockeysticks" too! However, for me, it's that pap smear that is the hardest part, pain-wise. So once I was done with today's exam, a HUGE weight was lifted off of me!

Anyway, my annual exam (including the necessary but very painful pap smear) is history for 2008. Yay!

In addition to having that doc appointment behind me, I had the extreme pleasure of visting with my friend and fellow (local) endometriosis support group member: Alicia. Yes, I mean THE Alicia... You may also know her as "yaya" and she frequently posts comments on my blog. She has endometriosis and infertility. (Her personal blog is: http://www.yayastuff.blogspot.com/ and she occasionally posts about those topics, among others).

Anyway, seeing Alicia in person was just what I needed today. After waking up to fibro pain, after realizing that the severe Charlie horses in my left foot from yesterday were planning to stick around (!!!) and hadn't left overnight, after trouble simply getting OUT OF THE HOUSE, after a problem with my van when it was time to leave that necessitated another stop en route to the doctor, after driving 45 minutes to the city, & after enduring the exam... her smiling face cheered me right up and distracted me from my troubles. Alicia is one special lady! Today I got to meet her husband for the first time. Someday, I'm hoping to have an "open" endo meeting where spouses and significant others can attend. My group is overdue for that. In the meantime, I only get to hear about local endo support group members' loved ones in meetings, online, & by phone. So it was a treat to meet her husband after hearing so much about him from Alicia and reading Alicia's blog!

Anyway, Alicia helped me out today and basically alleviated some worries I had about the appointment. It's hard to have a pity party when Alicia's around because she is so bubbly and fun and wonderful! So seeing her while in the city was great. (By the way, I live in the sticks so all of my specialists are 45 minutes each way. That's a lot of gas money but I have to "hunt down" the docs who can handle a "complicated" patient like me). COMPLICATED. That is what my primary wrote on my chart the other day... that my case is "complicated". She meant no offense by this, of course. I AM complicated)!

Anyway, THANK YOU to Alicia (A/K/A "yaya") for brightening my day!! :) Alicia defines TRUE FRIEND!

Sooooooo, for anyone who read my depressing post headline this morning (see earlier in this post), I have updated my post's title (see above) to reflect my improved mood, relief at having exam over, and gratitude at having such a lifelong friend as Alicia who is only 45 minutes away (45 minutes which really isn't all that bad, all things considered, since I do live in the sticks).

I'm glad the appt is over!

P.S. My Tori Amos CD for 90 minutes round trip helped my mood too! Never underestimate the power of music!!