Endometriosis Blog: Obituary Of An Endometriosis Support Group Or Beginning Of A Better System?

Fasten your seatbelts! This will be a long post because it's about a topic very near and dear to my heart. So please bear with me!! When I get emotional, I get even wordier than usual (hard to imagine, I know)! :)

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If you're having trouble slogging through this whole post, please consider checking out the 5 related links near the end of this post. I believe many readers can relate to them!
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Before I begin with a bunch of questions (questions I'll pose below) or proceed to write my local endo support group's "obituary", I want to begin by focusing on the positive!!!

I AM VERY THANKFUL AND GRATEFUL FOR HAVING HAD THE OPPORTUNITY IN THE LAST 7 YEARS TO MEET AND GET TO KNOW SOME OF THE MOST FANTASTIC WOMEN I HAVE HAD THE PLEASURE OF MEETING ANYWHERE, AT ANY TIME, IN MY LIFE! I HAVE FOUND NUMEROUS ROLE MODELS WITHIN MY LOCAL ENDO GROUP: ROLE MODELS FOR COMPASSION, "GIVING BACK", SHARING THEIR PERSONAL STORIES FOR THE BENEFIT OF OTHERS, ETC. I AM SO HONORED TO HAVE MET SO MANY OUTSTANDING WOMEN WHO ARE COURAGEOUS, STRONG, THOUGHTFUL, AND WHO PERSEVERE THROUGHOUT OFTEN DAUNTING SITUATIONS AND DEBILITATING SYMPTOMS. THESE WOMEN ARE INSPIRATIONAL AND HAVE ENRICHED MY LIFE AND THE LIVES OF OTHERS IN SO MANY WAYS!!!

Is online support the "wave of the future" (as some have suggested to me in recent weeks)? Can online support replace in-person support? Does it have to be either/or???

Or is a *combination* of online support and in-person support the optimal situation??? (My personal opinion on that last question is that a combination IS best when at all possible... but I'll get into more details below. In-person support is REALLY powerful. Having experienced both, I see the value of each).

Are in-person support groups phasing out in general? Or does it depend on factors like geographical area, the condition/illness requiring support, the nature/severity of the illness/condition/situation for which the support provided by a group, gas prices to get to meetings, people's work schedules, people feeling too overwhelmed or exhausted to add one more thing to the schedule(!), or a combination of these and other factors?

First let me share some fond memories. Our group has helped many women find ---

+ EACH OTHER!!! I have met some of the most wonderful, caring, supportive, well-informed, strong, compassionate women in our support group that I have ever met anywhere in my 39 years. I will always treasure the special moments of shared support, compassion, information-sharing, and grace that I have witnessed in the past 7 years. Our support group has helped many women in meetings, between meetings, in person, by phone, and via email. The last phase of this in-person support seems to have led me here. While I didn't know it at the time that I started this blog in June, it may well provide online support to those who cannot attend in-person meetings regularly (for a variety of reason which I'll talk about separately).

+ comfort, support, healing

+ the ability to find high quality doctors in our area

+ validation/understanding/decreased isolation or loneliness

+ links to other support groups relevant to their condition (i.e. fibromyalgia, interstitial cystitis, and infertility support groups)

+ articles about endometriosis and related conditions, relevant news stories/research

+ links to other helpful resources relevant to our group members (i.e. support for group members who have gone through breast cancer... which endo patients are at increased risk for)

+ opportunities to connect with other women who share much in common with them (pain symptoms, marital strain, infertility, micarriages, etc)

+ a venue for learning about alternative treatment options that might not have been discovered otherwise

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Obstacles for in-person support...

Here are the most common reasons endometriosis patients have outlined for me as reasons its difficult to attend support group meetings:

(1.a.) TIME. Time is so precious nowadays for everyone. It's extremely difficult for endo patients to simply add one more thing to their schedule.

(1.b.) I am listing "TOO SICK TO ATTEND" as tied for first place because it is just as common a reason for women not being able to attend meetings!

(2) Women who are feeling better and would like to stay on the mailing list but do not attend meetings regularly because they don't need the support currently. This is understandable! (Who wants to drag herself to a meeting when she's feeling better when she could be at home spending that time with her family, curled up her in PJs reading, watching TV, etc.)

(3) Patients whose needs have essentially been met and are doing pretty much OK but wish to remain on the mailing list to "stay in the loop"... and just in case they should need support/info down the line.

(4) Women who had quite a drive to meetings and either have issues with drowsy driving associated with medications, have trouble with gas prices making the drive prohibitive, etc.

(5) Patients who have been fortunate enough to conceive sometimes have difficulty obtaining childcare so that they can attend the meetings.

Within the group of women who find time their biggest challenge for attending in-person meetings... there are many subcategories. Women have work scheduling conflicts, women have other commitments on the same date, women need that time during the meetings to recover from working all day and adding a meeting after a full work day is totally beyond their capabilities or just plain impractical, etc...

This leads into category (1 b). Many women are simply TOO SICK to make it to in-person meetings. This has been the most heartbreaking part of the last 7 years for me. The very women who express the GREATEST need for support and who are VERY interested in attending meetings often are simply to sick to attend. Over the last 7 years, I have tried to be as available as possible as possible to group members between meetings because I knew that some patients simply can't make some or even any meetings due to the very illness for which they desperately want/need support.

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As far as the questions I posed at the start of this post, I can't answer all of these questions. What I can do here is simply share the story of one local endometriosis support group. Much of our local support group's story has been covered in previous related blog posts. I'll list these at the end of this article and I strongly encourage readers to check them out! There is a great deal of information in them that I believe readers may find interesting and/or helpful regardless of whether they have ever or will ever participate in "in-person" support groups!

There's a great deal to cover here with the group having provided support to local endometriosis patients for 7 years. If I cover it all in this post (especially when I detailed it previously anyway in other posts) this post will become WAY too long. So I'll skip the details for now and refer readers to those posts for more information about the wonderful things our group members DID accomplish while we still had regular monthly meetings.

While I will miss having monthly meetings and the enormous opportunity they provided to help others and to learn a great deal from fellow endometriosis patients, I realize that sometimes "good things must come to an end". While I accept the fact that we will no longer have monthly meetings at the location & time we've met for 7 years... I have faith that we have a core of very interested support group members who will find more creative and flexible ways to have some in-person support... just not necessarily as often or in as structured a fashion.

I am at total peace with the changes in how we'll proceed from here and (despite my gloomy post title!) that this change is for the best and I'm actually feeling relief that I no longer have to struggle to try to "hold the group together" in its previous form. Group members know where to find me and now have some additional contact info to communicate with other fellow group members who have shared their contact info. I have done everything humanly possible to keep the group afloat in "traditional form"... especially since the endo groups on either side of me closed within the last few years and our group has been the only remaining endo support group in our part of the state.

I just keep telling myself that a former endo support group leader who sent me a compassionate, thoughtful email about the potential "closing" of the local group had a good point... that online support (blogs like this, messages boards, websites for organizations who deal with endo support, research, information, etc.) may truly be the "wave of the future".

My personal belief is that some occasional in-person support is a fantastic addition to the great online support available in so many formats! I have felt the positive energy in the room when the group members present have "aha" light bulb moments (as Oprah would call it) or when group members realize, "oh, she 'gets it'... " --- or "these people really 'get' what I'm talking about"!

I keep local group members' contact information 100% confidential and always have. With the traditional group format unraveling, I have been asking interested group members for permission to share their contact info with the group. In this way, the remaining "core" of interested group members can remain in contact with each other without me necessarily needing to be the "gatekeeper".

This will assist me in engaging in more self-care/less time trying to "save the group" and will allow for a better sense of "ownership" or belonging for the core members to communicate with each other - and - for all of us to divide the responsibilities of organizing any in-person, informal meetings.

We can meet 1:1 or in small groups at locations, dates, and times of the subgroup's choosing. We can have the meetings really informally at coffee shops... just hang out and chill. Like a "girls night out" where we happen to all have endo and we spend some time talking endo and some time just having fun.

In the last few weeks, it became apparent that our group was potentially heading for "extinction" in its current form and I sounded the "alarm bells" to let the group know where things were potentially headed... at least regarding the format we had become accustomed to.

I went through feelings of sadness and loss. I know there is a need for a group like this because I got 2 calls last week from new members. Calls don't always translate to meeting attendees, though.

At the same time our current meeting schedule is just impractical (on many levels) and it's not fair to the wonderful library that has provided free meeting space for 7 years to call and cancel as many meetings as I have in the last year when the library is turning others away from using the room.

However, in addition to feeling sadness and concern that women who haven't already found our group may have a much lower chance of finding us now, I have received some unbelievably supportive and heartwarming emails and calls from local group members. This has lessened the blow of the group "dying" (at least "dying" from its current form of monthly meetings). With all of the great suggestions and supportive/helpful comments I have received in the last few weeks, I know that existing support group members who care to stay in touch will and that those whose needs have been met or who don't find attending in-person meetings practical for whatever reason WILL still get the support they need within our community.

The saddest part for me is not knowing how to reach out to those who hadn't yet found us. For example, women who have not yet been diagnosed and who will look for an endo support group in the future in this area won't be likely to find us. This was hit home recently when the local city newspaper printed its quarterly "health section" newspaper pullout that features support groups like ours (for free) to inform the community.

As I touched on earlier, I got calls 2 days in a row from potential new group members recently and had to explain that I wasn't sure if our next meeting was going to happen or not. (I had called an "emergency meeting" to discuss our group's future. It was to be held tomorrow night. I have cancelled it). While a couple of group members had replied "maybe" to the meeting invitation RSVP, a handful had said no, none had said yes, and the vast majority hadn't responded at all.

I just knew it was time to discontinue our monthly meetings. This doesn't mean we can't "morph" into another format. I am hopeful that the small but determined core of local support group members who have contacted me will find creative ways of staying connected.

I have received some VERY thoughtful, considerate, compassionate emails and calls from local support group members who wish to continue to stay connected with other endo patients in the area, who reassured me that they have found the group very helpful, who made suggestions such as virtual meetings or meeting at a coffee shop on a quarterly basis, who like staying in the loop with the emails I send, etc.

We may not meet every month in the future and we may not meet in the same location as before. However, based on the feedback I've gotten from our group members I am confident that there is a relatively small but interested core of our local support group members who will stay in touch, continue to network with each other, keep sharing our success stories & our challenges, and continue to belong to a group of women committed to staying connected.

OK. Now I'm going to do the "obituary" of our "traditional in-person monthly support group".

Then, more importantly, I will share hope for the future of continuing in-person support as a supplement to online support and and as adjunct to the information provided by healthcare providers.

We'll quickly cover the past first and then get into the future. I'm determined to focus on hope and positivity once I get through this quick "obituary". I just need the catharsis of getting through the sad part before I can move onto the happy/hopeful part. So bear with me.

On August 8, 2001 our local endometriosis support group held its first meeting. Since then we have helped dozens of endometriosis patients in our community. Like so many support groups around the country, we have had our struggles over the years with low turnout but have managed to stay active with monthly meetings for 7 years.

While many women expressed great interest in our group, our monthly meetings got smaller over the years. The number of group members on our mailing list went up and down over the years (people moving away, new members finding our group, women deciding they no longer needed support, women returning to group meetings when their symptoms flared or they needed to make decisions such as whether to have surgery) but our mailing list averaged about 40 women in the last few years. (We started out with about 20 women on the mailing list back in 2001). That's not bad for a city the size of the area this group has served.

I believe this may well be the death of a traditional support group and the beginning of a new era of support... My hopes for the future of our support group restructuring into something more workable for its members are strong.

I mentioned above that I would be sharing HOPE for the future of continuing in-person support as a supplement to online support and and as adjunct to the information provided by healthcare providers.

My personal belief is that the majority of Traditional Western Medicine healthcare providers are not GENERALLY inclined to provide much, if any, information regarding alternative medicine options. One of the biggest benefits of our group for members was access to high quality info on alternative treatment options. Group members learned about acupuncture, physical therapy for pelvic pain, Chi Nei Tsang, nutritional changes that might be helpful, homeopathy, aromatherapy, info on environmental impacts on endo patients and their fertility, the benefits of massage therapy, and many other modalities that their healthcare providers might or might not have made them aware of. I believe alternative medicine was one of the most interesting topics discussed in our meetings. I certainly got great feedback from members who tried new treatments and got great results.

Please see the article below. It contained FIVE related articles to this one.

Friday, August 8, 2008 Endometriosis Blog: SEVENTH Anniversary Of My Local Endometriosis Support Group!!!

The 4 links within the article listed above are:

Monday, July 28, 2008 Endo Blog: What Is “Self-Help”?? What Are The Health Benefits Of Volunteering? Why Join/Start A Support Group??

Monday, August 4, 2008 Endometriosis Blog: Self-Help Groups, Support Groups, and Volunteering Follow-up

Tuesday, August 5, 2008 Endometriosis Blog: My Personal History As An Endometriosis Patient

Thursday, August 7, 2008 Endometriosis Blog: How Finding The Endometriosis Association & Participating In Endometriosis Support Groups Helped Me & Made Me A Volunteer!!

I have been a member of a "traditional/in-person" endo support group (here or in other cities where I lived previously) since 1992, when I was first diagnosed. I will miss the monthly meetings but I look forward to staying in touch with the numerous amazing women I've met through the group. These are women I almost certainly wouldn't have met any other way. Many are lifelong friends now!!! While I will miss the structure of monthly meetings, I have every confidence that many of our current group members WILL stay connected and continue to give one another high-level, compassionate, meaningful support.

So with this "endometriosis support group obituary", I'm sad but I'm also very hopeful. This is a bittersweet time. No matter how frequently, or infrequently, I have contact with members of my wonderful local group... I know we've helped many people. In addition, I know this blog will continue to help people online. Not only does this give support to women without them having to leave their homes but it reaches a worldwide audience and has already given me an awesome opportunity to connect with awesome readers of this blog and fellow bloggers (chronically ill or otherwise)! I am very grateful on so many levels.

I encourage readers to comment on this post! Maybe your local support group is struggling and you are looking for ideas. Maybe you have used online support only and have never tried in-person support or it's not available in your area. Maybe you have used in-person support in the past but haven't used it recently. Maybe your local group (like so very many endo groups) closed due to low attendance. I'd love to hear your feedback!!

In a funny way, I'm actually looking forward to this new chapter. I truly believe this is what's meant to be at this time and I'm embracing the opportunities it provides. I have taken some time to accept it and make peace with it and I really do see it as an opportunity rather than a "death" of our group... in spite of my post title. That title was a reflection of the sadness factor but I'm honestly looking forward to what good can come out of this transition for our local group. Who knows where this could lead? Maybe having a more flexible time/date/location based on who wants to attend a particular meeting will increase participation? You never know!

THANK YOU to my local support group members for being so thoughtful, informative, strong, and supportive. You all have a special place in my heart!!!! :)

I have loved the opportunity to meet so many incredible women through this group!!!

Nothing will ever take away the amazing, close friendships I have made with other endo patients right here in my community. Their kindness and selflessness are unmatched and I am so very grateful!!

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"Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world; indeed, it's the only thing that ever has".
-- Margaret Mead
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Our group has improved the lives of many women and their loved ones! We should look at the positive things we've accomplished AND look ahead to the additional positive things we'll accomplish in the future!!

This article was posted by Jeanne via "Jeanne's Endo Blog" at www.endendoat.blogspot.com.