Endometriosis Patient Survives Yet Another Annual Exam Without Perishing On The Table :) :)

This morning's post at 11:01 AM read as follows ---

Hope to post more later. On way to GYN...

This article was posted by Jeanne via "Jeanne's Endo Blog" at www.endendoat.blogspot.com.

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EVENING UPDATE:

This morning's post had this depressing title --- "Endo blog: VERY ILL!! Hope to post later today. Check GREAT new widgets in sidebar, please!! :) :)"

What a difference a few hours can make! I am still in incredible pain but I'm feeling much better emotionally than I was earlier today! (See my comment to Alicia on this post for some insights as to factors that turned a horrible day into a great one in many ways). Alicia could cheer ANYONE up!

This morning was one of those days with a very rough start. First, I woke up feeling like I had been hit by a truck. Then, I ran around trying to get ready for my gynecologist's appointment but was spinning my wheels because I was just too stressed out to get very far. So I stole a few minutes to go online and post the sadly titled: "Endo blog: VERY ILL!! Hope to post later today. Check GREAT new widgets in sidebar, please!! :) :)" I figured the widgets might have to keep you busy since I didn't know when I'd be able to post again. (Besides, they are really good widgets. Check them out)!

Within a short span of time after I posted this pathetic sounding post (except the positive part about the widgets), supportive comments flooded in from Mckay k and from yaya (Alicia). This positive enerygy was the boost I needed to simply get out of the house for my dreaded pelvic exam and pap smear!!

At this juncture I should explain that I have two doctors who treat my endometriosis symptoms: my gynecologist who I see annually and who does my regular pap smears... and my pelvic pain specialist who does pelvic exams too but does not do my pap smears.

Anyway, today was my visit with my gynecolgist. I just love this man! He is so compassionate and kind!!! He is passionate about helping women with a whole host of issues. He listens and cares!!! I was looking forward to seeing him as a person!!!

The part I was dreading this morning when I had such trouble functioning well enough to get out of the house & was in such physical pain... was the always-scary-to-me pap smear that always hurts like "h-e-double hockey sticks"... if you know what I mean! NO doctor has ever performed a pap smear on me without me experiencing indescribable, intense, excruciating pain.

Years ago when I lived in two other cities and I had pap smears by other doctors. No one has ever done it without me wincing, jumping off the table, accidentally holding my breath (which is not good because holding your breath just tenses up muscles & things), and simply not knowing how I'll get through it!

PLEASE NOTE:

If you aren't aware of it already... speculums come in different sizes. If you, like me, have very severe pain with pap smears, I highly (!) recommend asking your doctor if he or she has a smaller-sized speculum. It matters!

So, YES, all of this pain I had during today's pap smear was with a SMALL speculum. (Can you imagine how I would manage the regular sized one)? Anyway, I knew how much it would hurt. We're talking pain beyond that with non-pap smear pelvic exams... which also are excruciating and also cause me to reflexively jump off of the exam table.

The jumping, of course, only worsens the pain but I cannot help it. It is a reflex. If anyone out there reading this has had this happen (and I know some of you "get it" because I've talked w/women in my local group who are also like this), you are not alone! I looked like a Mexican jumping bean jumping up and down off of that exam table. My poor doctor... I wouldn't want to be my doctor! I've never had a pelvic exam that was not this painful. (I've certainly had worse, with docs in my former city).

I should stop here to mention that part of why my pelvic exams with either my GYN or my pelvic pain specialist are so VERY painful is that I have numerous illnesses that affect pelvic pain/vulvar pain/abdominal pain:

+++ vulvodynia or vulvar vestibulitis I'll have to do another completely seperate post someday on the difference between the two conditions --- but one pelvic pain specialist thinks I have vestibulitis and the other one (a 3rd opinion doc) thinks I have vulvodynia... In the meantime, consult the National Vulvodynia Association for info on these --- http://www.nva.org/. Also, please note that vulvodynia is being rsearched by an organization called CureTogether. See my July 15th post on their new medical research organization for more info on them. Also refer to their website: www.curetogether.com.

+++ interstitial cystitis

+++ pelvic congestion syndrome

+++ irritable bowel syndrome

+++ ... and, of course, endo!

Since any one of the above can cause painful gynecological exams, it's no wonder that I fly off the table when the doctor does any part of the exam.

Anyway, it ALWAYS is the case for me when I have to see either of these docs for an exam (but especially if it's a pap smear day)...

I of course have my period. There is no scheduling around this. First of all my periods aren't regular enough to schedule for them. Second, even if I'm nowhere near due for my period I almost always get it on or right before my pap smear appt. It never fails! There is no sense trying to reschedule when it happens a couple of days before a pap because the rescheduled appointment would fall into the same "Murphy's Law" category and I'd get my period on whatever day I rescheduled it for.

Anyway, I finally made it out of the house (quite an accomplishment with the fibromyalgia pain that greeted me first thing this morning)! Then I drove 45 minutes to where my doc is. Then the waiting game. At I sat in the waiting room, I distracted myself by filling out the HMO update/patient info form and scribbling additional notes for the doctor on my typed-up-at-home-in-advance medical history/update.

I learned long ago with a great doctor like this who is so thorough that his form for each annual exam is detailed (about 6 pages long!) that I need to write SEE ATTACHED on the whole doctor form and bring my updated version of events with me. (I need to actually do this for all doc appointments since my meds change frequently and I keep getting new diagnoses to pass along to all my other docs so they are all on the same page).

Sooooo, I turned my things in to the receptionist: the HMO/patient form, the doc form marked SEE ATTACHED, my newest HMO card, and the typed up stuff I brought with me.

Then I read things to get distracted until they called my name. The distraction is key for me when the anticipation of a painful exam creates overwhelming anxiety and fear in me.

They called my name and took me back. I did all the "nurse stuff". (Yay... my blood pressure medication is working as my BP was MUCH lower today than it has been)!

Then the doc comes in. Now this has to be one of the nicest people I have ever had the pleasure to meet. His bedside manner is impeccable. He REALLY cares about each and every patient. He knows me very well after many years on this journey together and tries extremely hard to be gentle with the exams. He listens! He is knowledgeable about alternative medicine. He is just awesome any way you slice it. All of this does not alleviate my fear of the imminent pelvic exam... especially the pap smear part!

I fill him in on some major changes in my health (for the worse) since I last saw him. Then it was exam time. I swear to you I tried with every fiber of my being not to jump off the table. However it is an unstoppable reflex. How else to explain that I'm telling my body "stay still and it will hurt less!!" but yet I jump?!

So the exam hurt like "h-e-double hockeysticks" as always with any gynecological appt. That was a given.

Then (!!) the huge relief that it was done hit me!!! I was so happy that my annual exam (pap smear and all) was done for another year.

Oh, sure, I may see my pelvic specialist 3 times a year on top of the GYN appt I had today (give or take)! Yes, that will hurt like "hockeysticks" too! However, for me, it's that pap smear that is the hardest part, pain-wise. So once I was done with today's exam, a HUGE weight was lifted off of me!

Anyway, my annual exam (including the necessary but very painful pap smear) is history for 2008. Yay!

In addition to having that doc appointment behind me, I had the extreme pleasure of visting with my friend and fellow (local) endometriosis support group member: Alicia. Yes, I mean THE Alicia... You may also know her as "yaya" and she frequently posts comments on my blog. She has endometriosis and infertility. (Her personal blog is: http://www.yayastuff.blogspot.com/ and she occasionally posts about those topics, among others).

Anyway, seeing Alicia in person was just what I needed today. After waking up to fibro pain, after realizing that the severe Charlie horses in my left foot from yesterday were planning to stick around (!!!) and hadn't left overnight, after trouble simply getting OUT OF THE HOUSE, after a problem with my van when it was time to leave that necessitated another stop en route to the doctor, after driving 45 minutes to the city, & after enduring the exam... her smiling face cheered me right up and distracted me from my troubles. Alicia is one special lady! Today I got to meet her husband for the first time. Someday, I'm hoping to have an "open" endo meeting where spouses and significant others can attend. My group is overdue for that. In the meantime, I only get to hear about local endo support group members' loved ones in meetings, online, & by phone. So it was a treat to meet her husband after hearing so much about him from Alicia and reading Alicia's blog!

Anyway, Alicia helped me out today and basically alleviated some worries I had about the appointment. It's hard to have a pity party when Alicia's around because she is so bubbly and fun and wonderful! So seeing her while in the city was great. (By the way, I live in the sticks so all of my specialists are 45 minutes each way. That's a lot of gas money but I have to "hunt down" the docs who can handle a "complicated" patient like me). COMPLICATED. That is what my primary wrote on my chart the other day... that my case is "complicated". She meant no offense by this, of course. I AM complicated)!

Anyway, THANK YOU to Alicia (A/K/A "yaya") for brightening my day!! :) Alicia defines TRUE FRIEND!

Sooooooo, for anyone who read my depressing post headline this morning (see earlier in this post), I have updated my post's title (see above) to reflect my improved mood, relief at having exam over, and gratitude at having such a lifelong friend as Alicia who is only 45 minutes away (45 minutes which really isn't all that bad, all things considered, since I do live in the sticks).

I'm glad the appt is over!

P.S. My Tori Amos CD for 90 minutes round trip helped my mood too! Never underestimate the power of music!!